I sit here thinking about what can I write that has happened recently.  Honestly our lifes are wild and crazy which is the way we like it and alot has happened really.  But I reflect back not too long ago when our first born came to our family.  I just had the opportunity to sit down with him tonight and have a long serious chat, one that really I don't believe I would have stopped for if I didn't have an issue to address.  I realized how fast time can slip you by that you have your baby turning 5!  Yea just a few days ago he turned 5, breaks my heart that he is that big, he is like a little man.  He came walking down the stairs the next day telling me:

"Mom, I really feel so much bigger now that I am five!

I always reply with: "I know! Now you are a full hand full."

And honest to truthness he tries to act like he is bigger, sometimes you have to do a double take to make sure he was the one that said it.  He's one that in this dark hour helps the light shine through.  I have been asked so many times then I can count if I knew what my future held with Cody that we would still have had our boys when we did, "Isn't it harder?  Wouldn't you have waited?"  The honest truth is NO! I remember when Cody was sick and on his worst days with UC.  Having Hutton's smiling face and laughter around is what pushed us through.  (Honestly one of Hutton's favorite memories of his Dad was "sneaking" a milkshake up to his hospital room.)  Yes we had a rough road and that was not to stop us, if we were blessed to have his health back and the ability to have more smiling little faces we wanted it to work out.  Sure enough we have Huston, a little spitfire of a kid but also the apple of our eyes.  And again we get asked: "If you had known?" 

NOPE!

Would not change a thing.  Yea would be easier but everything happens for a reason.  They chose us.  They knew what they would be coming to before they took the slide from heaven.  I am just grateful for the trust that my Heavenly Father has in Cody and I to take 2 of his favorites so that they can teach us many things and know that we have a big reason to fight. 

Cody and I recently read a book "Untill My Heart Stops" written by Paul Cardall, recent heart transplant recipient, song writter, and musician.  His goal or moto he started with was "Living For Eden"  Eden was his daughter.  We all have reasons to fight of coarse alot of us choose our kids.  But one thing that he kept expressing was how he was blessed to be able to have the experience he did.  (He was born with a heart disease and was not expected to live a week, thru multiple surguries through his teens and then to the point where in 2009 he was told he would not survive without a transplant, but with this transplant he needed a very special heart one that could work with his anatomy of his heart since he had so many different types of surgeries it needed to be just right)  He continued to state he was blessed to have the opportunity to be where he was each day. 

I kept thinking one of these chapters is going to be negative it has to be! Can you honestly say that you are blessed to be sick?

I can't speak for Cody but, after many weeks of thinking about it, yea you can think you are blessed to be sick.  I look around and see what I have: materially, spiritually, physically and eternally.  Yea I am blessed I have 2 boys that really are the light in our dark tunnels some days.  I have a roof over my head that my husband gave me, my health to get all 4 of us through this, friends and family near and far, and the knowledge that I know that it is all going to work out the way it is supposed to. 

Honestly didn't know what this post was going to be like just felt like I needed to express!  There is so much more that can be expressed on a Computer while your family is asleep and you can think by yourself in silence.  Love You All.